How it's supposed to be
by Scandal4
Summary: She knew she was making the biggest mistake of her life, but it was too late to stop it. R&R.


_**So, here is my first CM one-shot. Is not betaed so the grammar and spelling would probably suck. xP Sorry for that.**_

_**Strauss made me sign a paper where I clearly stated that I don't own the characters and that I didn't see the scotch bottle behind her desk ¬¬**_

* * *

There she was, the reflection in the mirror gave back an image that was gradually fading. Her eyes shone through unshed tears as the clock ushered the unavoidable time were she had to walk out of the room.

It was supposed to be this way. When she was little and was asked about her future, she replied with a kind and bright smile as she imagined what her life would be when "she grew up." But nothing she had imagined could prepare her to face the next few hours of her life. There were no broken hearts in her childhood fantasies, the tears didn't cover her face as if she couldn't stop crying, her hands didn't tremble while holding the thin white silk covering her body.

All those years knowing exactly who she was, what she wanted, had collapsed before her helpless eyes. And there was nothing she could do about it.

She carefully dried the tears, trying not to ruin her carefully applied make-up. Everything was supposed to be perfect, it was supposed to be the happiest day of her life, not the saddest. Not the day her hopes would be crushed by the stone-cold reality.

Everyone expected something from her, she was perfect, she was the best, she was living her dream. And all her life she had to adapt to their expectations, but her heart was telling it had had enough.

_Just a little bit more, only a couple of hours_, she repeated this phrase as a mantra, as if it were to save her life. As if those simple words could harden her soul to face what was behind that door.

She looked at her dressing room door. In the other side was the rest of her life. Everyone was waiting for her entrance, radiant, full of happiness, how it was supposed to be. And she would comply with social mandates and marry the "right man", have children and grow old with him. Everybody would say they looked like the perfect couple, with the perfect family, in the perfect neighborhood with the house of their dreams. How many would know how miserable she would feel? Someone cared? Surely not. It was what she was supposed to do.

No one knew. Nobody suspected. That within this same church was the person she really wanted to be for the rest of her life. Who really owned her soul.

She felt the sharp pain and anguish renewing the trail of tears falling from her tired eyes. Repressing the tears with a sigh she looked at herself in the mirror again. She felt so tired. Tired of pretending to be someone she wasn't. Tired of the mask she had to wear everyday that was slowly killing her. Never thought she could carry a secret that could crush her will as quickly as this one.

She wanted to go out and shout to all who would listen that she wasn't continuing with this circus. That she wouldn't give to social conventions so they could live their happy little lives without worrying about problems like this. But she couldn't. There was too much at stake, too many hearts could break. And all for what? To be judged for the rest of her life because of the choices she had made? To be an outcast to everyone who had ever claimed to know her, who cared for her? The looks of the people in the street, switching to a silent accusation thats she knew she couldn't stand. Is all that pain worth it? Endure the insults, be denigrated by all those who would never understand? She wasn't strong enough to bear it.

She stifled a sob and strongly clench her long white dress in her fist, she cursed herself for her weakness through silent words. She wanted to be somebody else, someone like her. Strong, loyal, unbreakable. But she wasn't, she had become a wreck of what she once was.

Hearing footsteps on the wooden floor of the hallway she tried to clean her face once more. They were coming to get her. The time had come.

She tried to regain the little composure she had left. Determined to continue with the charade. It was too late to turn back.

* * *

Outside, lost among the guests, sitting in the row of benches, she looked rendered, completely defeated. A smile was painted on her face, but the joy never reached her eyes. Her eyes, usually bright and full of mischief, were out, almost dead. It felt as if her spirit had left her body, and perhaps it was.

She knew exactly why she felt that way but was unable to do something about it. In all those years she hadn't said a word, knowing that this time will undoubtedly come, knowing how her heart would break into pieces so small that it would be impossible to rebuild it. Still, she had said nothing, did nothing. A mistake she would pay for the rest of her life. How many years of miserable solitude were awaiting ahead, how she would be able to stand it? _As always_, she thought with a sigh. She'd embark on a job abroad and try to forget this life with long working hours. Maybe she would risk her life once in a while just to feel alive. It would be the only way to know that her heart was still beating, that there was still blood flowing through her veins, that the sadness still had not killed her.

She looked around, her friends were there with smiles as big as hers, but theirs were real. They were really happy for her. Like the rest of presents, all overflowing with happiness for the couple. They chatted happily as the time approached. She looked down the aisle and saw him. Perfect, as he was supposed to be. The representation of all that she couldn't be, all she couldn't have. Lucky bastard. Did he know he was taking away her only chance at happiness? Probably not.

The piano placed inside the church began to play and it was as if someone had beaten her chest with monstrous strength. It was all too real. Could she hold back the tears when she'd see her, so happy and radiant?. Could she be able to stifle the cry of deep pain when when she said _I do_?

She still hadn't told anyone she was leaving, not even her boss. She didn't want to face the looks, question, doubts, goodbyes. Only months ago she was returning to the unit and now she was leaving again. She couldn't help but feel selfish about it, but knew she couldn't do otherwise, stay would kill her even faster.

Her knees began to waver when she heard a commotion of voices. Within minutes, the bride would approach the altar and close the circle. Putting the final nail in her coffin.

* * *

A light knock sounded on the other side of the dressing room door, almost inaudible.

JJ casted a last look in the mirror. She would deceive those who were out there but perhaps not her co-workers, she definitely wouldn't deceive her. If she asked her what was wrong, would she be able to respond with the truth or continue the charade?

Somebody knocked on the door again, this time louder.

"I'm coming" soon answered. Why this had to resemble so much to a death sentence?

Slowly opened the door and to her surprise she didn't see her mother, but Penelope García, who looked at her with a mixture of nervousness and sadness behind her weird glasses.

"It's time," she said in a whisper.

"I know," JJ said not daring to meet her eyes, she closed the door behind her and felt her friend took her hand and led her down the corridor to the main part of the church.

* * *

Emily watched as the heads of the guests turned as someone walked through the aisle. The bride was coming. She wanted to close her eyes or look away to not see it happen, but she couldn't do that to her best friend. JJ knew she had to share their joy, so she would hold the entire ceremony with his best mask in place and then take refuge in the darkness of her room and leave out all the sadness that threatened to drown her.

When the bride was right in front of her sit, she realized that it wasn't JJ, but the wedding planner. She seemed worried and while delivering smiles and whispered apologies to the guests approached to Will, who was looking at her with eyes full of questions.

Heavy murmurs invaded the room but Emily could only think of one thing. Something happened to JJ.

Without thinking too much, she went to the locker room located in the western section of the chapel, despite Derek's hand who wanted to stop her, without much success. She wasn't about to let anyone get in her way, she had to know if JJ was alright.

Within seconds she reached the small room where her friend had been preparing, the door was wide open but JJ wasn't there.

Holding her breath, worry filling her mind and her heart, she instinctively turned her steps towards the rear of the chapel, where they parked the cars. Around the corner she saw JJ arguing with Penelope next to a white Cadillac convertible, the car that would be used by the married couple to leave the place. The huge white bow fluttered in the April breeze over the hood of the car. Emily slowed her steps as she approached her friends.

"Why did you brought me here, Pen?" JJ said, Emily could barely hear the frantic whisper, "You know I can not go now"

"You can't go on with this. You thought I wouldn't notice the way you whiter before my eyes?" Penelope Garcia's voice filled with concern that was hard to miss.

"JJ, what happened? What are you doing out here?" Emily had finally reached the women, her eyes full of concern.

"Emily, what are you doing here?" JJ said startled to notice the presence of the brunette only a few feet away.

"I don't know," she said sincerely. "I figured you'd be here"

"It's fate!" Penelope said with a little squeak.

"What do you mean?" JJ asked surprised.

But Emily understood. For a moment she couldn't hear or feel anything around her. The realization of what Garcia wanted to do hit her hard. She looked up and saw JJ in that gorgeous white dress, her skin shone in the spring sunshine and her blue eyes, though weary and somewhat sad, looked beautiful.

She didn't had to think it through, really. She was tired of measuring the consequences of her actions, of her thoughts. She knew she'd probably regret this in the future but there would be enough time for that later. She took JJ's hand and guided her to the passenger sit of the Cadillac.

The blonde, shaking by the feel of Emily's hand in hers soon realized what was going on, the opportunity presented right in front of her. Her heart jumped and her mind did the rest. All she could do was smile.

Without a backward glance both got inside of the car, following the path that leaded out of that chapel hidden in the woods. Curse set to the unknown, ready to build the rest of their lives together. As it was supposed to be.

* * *

_**Reviews would be very much appreciated. **_


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